The Love Response by Eva M. Selhub M.D

Author:Eva M. Selhub, M.D. [Selhub, Eva M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-345-51281-9
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2009-01-27T05:00:00+00:00

When you feel you have let someone else down.

When you feel frustrated, resentful, or angry toward someone.

When you have made someone else resentful, angry, or frustrated.

When you feel anxious, needy, or desperate (i.e. waiting for the phone to ring).

Goal 3: Manifest a Soul Family.

Relationships require communication. It is one thing to work through your fears and expectations, another to translate your wants and feelings to another person and, in turn, understand their true wants and feelings.

When you examine your relationships, you look at whether you are satisfied or dissatisfied, and you pinpoint your unmet expectations. You then peer deeper into these unmet expectations to discover their origin or the underlying wound from your past that you now have some prescriptions to remedy. As you heal, you find yourself more at peace and better capable of making decisions about your circumstances.

However, this isn’t enough. In order to have a relationship, you have to interact and communicate with another person. Ridding yourself of expectations means nothing if the two of you do not communicate with each other, about each other’s wants and desires. We expect people to read our minds. On the other side of that coin, you cannot read their minds. When there is flow in a two-way communication, there is balance in the circle. It is really so much easier to communicate when you have clarity as to what your wants are in the first place.

It is also more effortless to attract and unite with the people who complete your balanced circle of love. That sense of flow is how you know they are part of your Soul Family.

MY EXAMPLE: Clarifying and Communicating Your Needs

Believe me, I’ve had my share of imbalanced relationships! For as long as I can think back, my choice has been to withdraw from people whom I believed had hurt me. If and when I felt mistreated, I would close myself off from that person and walk away from the situation without trying to talk, mostly because I was too scared to use my voice. I did finally learn my lesson with my friend John.

John had ended a long relationship shortly before I met him. He was depressed, and we spent hours talking about his depression, whether we were out for dinner, having a drink, at the beach, or hiking in the mountains. I was happy to counsel and support. I needed to be needed, and John needed support. Initially, the relationship served us both. However, when I started having my own difficult experiences, I also needed support and care. John could not do that for me. He was still wrapped up in his own problems. I reverted to my Fear Response, feeling hurt and disappointed. I felt resentful and angry, believing that I had given so much and was not receiving in return. I felt angry with him for not noticing that I was not my usual smiling self. I distanced myself from John rather than speaking to him about my feelings.

Distancing myself allowed me to look inward and reflect on what I truly needed.

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